You All Know What a Fag Hag Is...

We thought our lives had gotten as gay as they could get. We've never been so wrong. This coming Sunday we will reach the pinnacle of our Fagnet...ness when we host the 2nd Annual Miss Fag Hag Pageant at Comix! It's an actual pageant, people. With, like, 10 genetically female contestants (sponsored by their gay best friends) going through all kinds of talent & swimsuit competitions with the hope of being crowned the new Miss Fag Hag.

The whole she-bang is a benefit for the incredibly awesome and important Hetrick-Martin Institute. They do a bunch of incredible work including making it possible for the Harvey Milk School to exist.

Oh, and really fun people like Caroline Rhea and John Cameron Mitchell and Michael Musto will be judging. El is already worried about what hugely embarrassing thing Mel is going to say to one of them while backstage. Oh, it's going to happen. It always does.

We will be wearing gowns, we will say things like "the next contestant is..." and we will (possibly) be re-enacting a scene from Beaches during the show. You'll have to come see to find out!

Gayer than Melissa Etheridge on a Pride float scissoring her new girlfriend,

Mel & El

You're Very Welcome

Just a typical weekend for Mel & El. Getting a few bucks off of our swords and also our knives. We can't stay away from a good sword sale. 

You're very welcome.

Love It or Loathe It?

Justin Beiber

Love it or loathe it? We don't quite know.  On the one hand, he's a cute and, seemingly, sweet kid and that's kind of what pop music has always been about to some extent. 

But on the other hand, WHO IS HE?  We totally didn't receive the memo on this one.  Apparently his name is Justin Beiber (not 'Beaver' as we originally thought) and he's from Canada. We think he's 16, but his voice makes him sound like he's just entering puberty. Chick pop-sensations Britney and Miley slowly crept up on us in Disney advertising, music videos and sex tapes, and by the time they were International sensations we at least knew who people were talking about ("The girl excitedly and perpetually holding a microphone in front of her face as if she's about to turn a trick? Why, that's Hannah Montana!") Meanwhile, out of nowhere, this Justin-kid has hijacked adolescent's hairstyles to the point where they look handicapped from holding their heads at a severely cockeyed angle. (Seriously, Mel's older sister reported that a boy at her son's school had to see a chiropractor about it!) And he's doing sexy (and entirely gross but mildly funny) sketches on SNL with Tina Fey! AND, according to some sleuthing on Wikipedia, we have Usher to blame for this. But don't even get us started on Usher.

In conclusion, Justin Beiber is damaging our children's spinal columns, getting to meet Tina Fey before us and...Usher.

Are we gonna bury our heads in the sand and wait for The Beiber Fever to blow over? Or are we gonna let his overly produced pop tunes enter our sub-conscious where they will stay - in some form - until the day we die? Will we end up liking him? Will we go get an inappropriate haircut?

We must know what you think because you are VERY important and we're VERY anxious!

Leave a comment here on the blog or Tweet us by clicking here.

Big News

 

Joe's Pub was a blast! We're so thankful to all of you that made it out. You made it a very special night. For those of you that couldn't be there, we offer this gift: A VERY SERIOUS (2 Minute) FILM that opened the show.

After watching that film, you may become deeply inspired. Due to said inspiration, you might choose to get your very own copy of MEL & EL: SHE'S MY BITCH.

Then you might say to yourself, "your name here, I wish I could see those hilarious & beautiful ladies in person. Maybe they are performing at a sexy downtown event to benefit Marriage Equality for the ACLU." And, your name here, you'd be right:

And, finally, our big news! You might be wondering what the heck to do on Thursday, May 6th at 7:30PM. We're very excited to tell you that you'll be seeing the premiere of our brand new monthly show at Comix:

MEL & EL: Our Time of the Month

There will be hilarious guests, cheapy cheap drink specials and the in-your-crotch comedy & music you've come to know & love from us cheeky gals. It's just 10 American dollars at the door. No minimums. No nonsense. It's cheap! It's easy! It's our time of the month.

XO

Mel & El

Viva La Revolucion!

Hey. This is Mel. El & I are up to our ears in preparations for our big, fat Joe's Pub show this coming Sunday. It was time to be all clever 'n shiz on our blog and we realized all of our Clever Juice had been used up in our extensive rehearsals. I hate when the Clever Juice runs out and I no longer have any kind of personality. It's boring to the people around me and, mostly, my own self.

That said, I want to mention on the blog (because I don't think mentioning things via Facebook or Twitter is nearly enough) that at our show in New Hope, PA last night someone bought the "Get Out" panties off of El's...own self. She had worn them in the show and now they are in a very lovely and brave ladies house. I hope she has a washer/dryer. Or a sink. And that the panties are currently in one of those places. I don't know if the selling of the underwear officially makes us hookers or officially makes us really smart.

But that was not our only rock-star moment last night. We also had the first two people in the history of our show walk out midway through! They were older folks (which is irrelevant as many an old folk has enjoyed our business). We might have discussed some lurid details from a particular moment we experienced in a steam room during our recent gig on a Gay Cruise and that might have been a little...much....for this nice couple. I don't blame them one bit for clinging to each other for their lives and then running out. That's the exact same reaction El & I had in the steam room (clinging, running). But now we'd like to be referred to as Mel & El Guevara* because we are pretty much rabid revolutionaries. We speak our minds people. And the (geriatric) man can't keep us down no more. 

In conclusion, we are now hookers who sell our panties and political activists who will not be appreciated in our own time. It's hard to be as complex as we are, but we're coping. If you wanna cope with us live and in person, come down to Joe's Pub this coming Sunday (which is also called Easter in some circles) and join us for MEL & EL: She's My Bitch (The CD Release-A-Palooza). It's gonna change the world.

XO

Mel (& El)

*I'm sure I just offended someone by glorifying the name of Che Guevara. But, apparently, a lot of kids on St. Marks think he's cool enough to put on a t-shirt, and I did Evita in High School and Che Guevara has a really good singing voice. Also I sat through all 18 hours of the Steven Soderbergh movie version of Che's life when it was in the movie theatre and I'm pretty sure that gives me license to toss around his name even though I still don't have a firm grasp on where he falls on the moral landscape. I'm gonna go call Mandy Patinkin and see what he thinks.

You're Very Welcome

As you learned a few days ago, we were on a Muthaf****n Gay Boat all last week. On our sojourn, we learned quite a bit, ourselves. Mostly anthropological things. Here are those things. They have been bullet pointed for your pleasure:

1) This is not a bathing suit. It's a gaything suit:

 

2) If one wears a gaything suit, they are bound to end up with these tan lines:

3) If a "Mel" is left in the sun too long, it becomes delirious & doesn't remember to rub in its sunscreen:

4) If an "El" is left on a gay cruise for too long & mixed with vodka, it begins to wear a sequin turban:

5) You're Very Welcome.

Love It or Loathe It?

Love it or loathe it? We don't quite know.  On the one hand, it seems like another great way to connect with people & we already have Gmail so it's all integrated into one thing. But on the other hand, holy Moses! How many options does a person need to share that they are stuck in traffic or visiting their Cousin Lucy who's a little bit crazy? Between The Facebook, The Twitter, The Blogging, The Email, The Texting, and, on occasion, the actual phone calls, we are up to our patooties with moderately interesting information. 

On the third hand, we like to inundate you with all of our comings and goings, so are we hypocrites if we don't jump on the Google Buzz Bandwagon? Will we go to Google Jail if we don't opt-in? (Cause you know they're listening right now).

We must know what you think because you are VERY important!

Leave a comment here on the blog or Tweet us by clicking here. Or use some other technology.