Monday, July 26, 2010

Sweating. Just sweating.

(this was the only way to encapsulate perms, jail & comedy in the same picture)

EL: Mel?
MEL: Yes, El?
EL: What are you doing?
MEL: Sweating. Yeah...that's it. Just sweating.
EL: Please. I have an involuntary perm at this point due to the humidity.
MEL: Perms are bad enough when they're voluntary.
EL: Do you remember how many perms we got in middle school?
MEL: Not really.
EL: Probably because they did permanent damage to your brain cells.
MEL: Stop saying perm. 
EL: Per...
MEL: And stop saying permanent.
EL: Fine. How about perming? Or permed? 
MEL: It's way too hot for this. Really, El. I'm gonna hafta cut you with my shank.
EL: If you cut me with your shank you'll go to jail. 
MEL: If they have central air, I'm fine with it.
EL: You know who has central air besides jail?
MEL: Who?
EL: Comix!
MEL: Ha. Yes. You should tell them about our show now.
EL: Thank you very much for permission.
MEL: You're hilarious.
EL: Shanks.
Go reserve tickets for Our Time of the Month which is coming up on Thursday, August 5th!
The last show was Standing Room Only so don't delay!

Mel & EL: Our Time of the Month
Really bloody funny. Period.
Thursday, August 5th, 7:30PM
Comix, 353 W. 14th Street, NYC
$10 (cash) at the door
Delicious food & drink available but not required
Reservations here!

Created and performed by award-winning funny femmes Melanie Adelman and Ellie Dvorkin with composer Patrick Spencer Bodd, MEL & EL: OUR TIME OF THE MONTH is a modern-day Laverne & Shirley full of dirty songs, delightful banter and devilish dish. Hailed as “outrageous” by The New York Times and “hilariously squirm inducing” by the Village Voice, MEL & EL features new material every single month along with special guests, phenomenal drink deals and a generous dose of the in-your-crotch comedy you’ve come to know and love.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Brought To You By WOMAN...Wait Up!

(she was obviously just running on the beach)

As many of you know, we've been best friends since we were 12 years old and grew up hanging out at each other's houses. With too much time on our hands, we made up games and activities to keep ourselves amused weekend after weekend. One of our favorites was this game where we made up fake commercials for each other. We invented a company called 'WOMAN' and all of their products had to be feminine-centric (for your vagina!). You had to pick some random object in the room and make up a commercial on the spot. The only rules were, the commercials had to begin with jogging (we had seen way too many douche commercials with women running on the beach) and they had to end by saying "Brought to you by WOMAN...wait up!" This probably translates much better in person so if you're in the NYC-area come to our show on August 5th at Comix, and we'll do a Woman Commercial for you right then and there.

Lately, we've realized that if we had ever actually invented the products we joked about as children, we'd probably be kaphlillionaires by now because there is so much crap out there for sale. A friend of ours sent us a link to The C-String the other day and we just about lost it. It makes Mel want to gag and it makes El want to take out her credit card and make a purchase. So, we're either going to start a worldwide movement against the C-String or we're going to start selling them on our website. 

(mama, when I grow up I wanna be a model)

Would you ever wear a C-String? Would you wear it on a public beach as Swimwear (which they recommend!)? Would you attend an anti-C-String rally? Are you hoping they'll start making them in leopard print? Please let us know what you think. We want to have our fingers on the pulse you like to dress your vagina.

(a different kind of douche running on the beach)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Vocabulary Lesson Number 11


JEWBILLY \'joo-bil-ee\ noun: 1. The opposite of a JAP (Jewish American Princess). 2. Jewish people who never take regular family vacations, get their acrylics filled, own a home or have any kind of investments 3. Mel & El. Correlation: hillbilly.

I have, like, 12 relatives living in the same rented, crappy 2-bedroom apartment. Oy vey, I feel like such a jewbilly.

*Disclaimer: We're Jewish. So we get to say things like JAP & Jewbilly without being perceived as anti-semitic or racist or ethnicicist. See? Now we're making up even more words. We can't be stopped!

Comment below or Tweetre us here. But not with any Mel Gibson-like rants. Shalom.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Vocabulary Lesson Number 10


RAPTOR \'rap-ter\ noun: 1. A contraction of the words rapper (one who raps) and actor (one who acts). Used to refer to one who both raps and acts either independently of each other or concurrently. 2. Freaky dinosaur bird of prey. 3. Canadian basketball team. Variations: Raptress, Rapting.

I really enjoy the Raptor named Common who was just in a rom-com basketball movie with Raptress Queen Latifah. I've heard he has a positive message in his raps but judging from his name he has very low self-esteem.

Who's your favorite/least favorite Raptor? Comment below or Twiddle us here.