Showing posts with label Conversations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conversations. Show all posts

Monday, April 21, 2014

We're Back




MEL: Hey, El?
EL: Yes, Mel?
MEL: I'm glad that you have a baby now.
EL: It is always better when we are even.
MEL: So, I could not get out of bed this morning and when I finally walked
in to the living room, my two-year-old was watching porn.
EL: WHAT?
MEL: Well, it wasn't actual pornography, it was a Rihanna video.
EL: Same thing.
MEL: I'm pretty sure he now knows how to roll a blunt and get 
someone pregnant.
EL: Those are both valuable life skills.
MEL: Yeah, I just won Parenting.
EL: I am obviously lagging behind on Baby Charlie's education.
MEL: I don't think they recommend porn until six months old, so you're 
still on track.
EL: Thanks.
MEL: Can we stop talking about this now?
EL: Please.
MEL: We're doing a show!
EL: I know it!
MEL: Our first show where we are both entirely sleep deprived.
EL: WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?
MEL: I don't even know. Crazy things. Wonderful things.
EL: Funny things.
MEL: I'm sorry I didn't hear you, I was sleeping.

THE MEL & EL SHOW
Friday, April 25th at 7:00PM
Stage 72, 158 W. 72nd Street, NYC

Posted by Mel and El at 7:27 PM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, April 29, 2013

Bring Your Wands!


Hermione is there so it has to be real. 
MEL: Hey, El?
EL: Yes, Mel?
MEL: Have you packed for Orlando yet?
EL: That's not until this weekend and we have a gig in Pennsylvania before that, so...no.
MEL: You went to college in Orlando. Will this feel like a sort of homecoming to you?
EL: Um, sure. Why are you being weird?
MEL: I'm not being weird.
EL: Yes, you are. Wait. Are you...excited?
MEL: What are you talking about?
EL: You're EXCITED. Usually, you're just bogged down in logistics and details.
MEL: I'm always excited to do our show.
EL: But you seem almost giddy.
MEL: Well, it's not every day that we are so close to Ollivander's Wand Shop.
EL: WHAT?
MEL: At the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando! You can go to Ollivander's!
EL: And?
MEL: And your WAND will pick YOU.
EL: For $185, yeah. The wand will pick your pocket. Eh? EH?
MEL: Don't joke about Harry Potter.
EL: I love The Potter as much as you but you know we won't have time to go there, right?
MEL: Yeah, I know. But just thinking about the possibility of it makes me happy.
EL: We've been best friends for 25 years and I've never found you to be a bigger nerd than I do right now.
MEL: Thanks.
EL: You're welcome.

If you're in Orlando or Orlando-adjacent, 
come join us on May 3rd and May 4th! 

AND BRING YOUR WANDS!


Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 2 comments
Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Just Another Conversation

Not at all the drummer to which we refer.
MEL: Hey, El?
EL: Yes, Mel?
MEL: I realized today that I am such a People Pleaser.
EL: I feel like you knew that already.
MEL: You're totally right.
EL: See?
MEL: What?
EL: Forget it. Just say.
MEL: So, I'm on the subway today and those musicians came into my car.
EL: The barbershop quartet ones?
MEL: No, the Terrifying Peace and Love Drummers.
EL: Is that their actual name?
MEL: Nope. I named them that because they always shove on at rush hour with two folding chairs and two full-sized congas and proceed to play a long drum-y song.
EL: This sounds pretty standard if a bit annoying with the crowding.
MEL: But then they chastise you if you don't clap and/or smile! They're all "You don't need to tip, but after a nice song it's customary to CLAP! And it's free to SMILE".
EL: That's a lot.
MEL: I've been seeing them for years! They give off this patchouli drum circle energy and then yell at you. I want to say back "It doesn't WORK THAT WAY".
EL: Have you said anything?
MEL: Nope. The second I see them walk in the car I pull out a dollar, and I smile the entire time they perform.
EL: And don't tell me...
MEL: And then I clap.
EL: Wow.
MEL: I'm people pleasing DRUM STRANGERS.
EL: It could be worse.
MEL: How?
EL: I'll get back to you. In the meanwhile, work on being a jerk.
MEL: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU...sorry.
EL: Yeah, you'll get there.

Posted by Mel and El at 11:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , ,

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Can't we be proud in August?


You know what is almost as amazing as equal rights? Photoshop.
 
Mel: Hey, El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: I missed Pride.
El: Come again?
Mel: Gay Pride. In June. I was busy...with a baby. But now I'm BACK!
El: You're BACK!
Mel: And everyone is busy being proud on Fire Island and in the Hamptons and on Atlantis Gay Cruises in the Baltic.
El: And here you are in NYC...waving a sad little rainbow flag all alone.
Mel: Correct. What's a girl to do?
El: Why don't we use our next show to express our feelings about gayness as well as lots of other stuff?
Mel: Yes! It's OUR show. And we can do whatever we like!
El: We will not be oppressed by the restrictiveness of Only-Pride-In-June!
Mel: We will have Pride in August!
El: It's a crap month if you ask me so I think we're doing a good thing by adding some spirit to it.
Mel: Great. What will we call the show to alert people to the fact that it is gay-ish?
El: How about 'Mel & El: Our HOMOSEXUAL Time of the Month'?
Mel: I think that's awkward on a lot of levels.
El: What about 'Gay Time with Mel & El'.
Mel: Please see my previous sentence.
Mel: Correct. We have a winner.
El: Now we just need to make a really gay show.
Mel: That's not gonna be difficult, El. It's always pretty gay.
El: 'Mel & El: Pretty Gay'.
Mel: Yeah.

Write it down.
Call a friend.
Let's do this, People.

(Get your tickets HERE)


With our very hysterical and entirely gay special guest BEN LERMAN!


THURSDAY, AUGUST 9TH

7PM

92YTRIBECA


* And, remember, if you'd like to celebrate any kind of Life Happening (birthday, bridal shower, divorce, coming out) at the show, just bring a group of 6 or more and the Celebra-tee will receive a personalized RAP from Mel & El. It's a hoot. Email melandel@melandel.com for more details.
Posted by Mel and El at 2:00 PM 1 comments
Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, July 2, 2012

Mel & El & Current Events

It was a simpler time.
El: Um, Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: Did you hear about...
Mel: ...the fact that the Supreme Court upheld Obama's health care reform?
El: Er...yeah...but also about TomKat?!
Mel: There was no way to live and breathe and not hear about that.
El: Do you think she'll be Katie Holmes again instead of 'Kate Cruise'?
Mel: Riiiiiight. Remember when the 'Kate Cruise' memo went out?
El: I wish that if I decided to change my name that all news outlets would get some kind of fax about it.
Mel: Yeah, like "Attention all News and Entertainment Media, 'El' shall now be referred to as 'Jazz'.
El: Why would I ever change my name to 'Jazz'?
Mel: I have no idea. I was just going with a hypothetical.
El: Well, it was ridiculous.
Mel: It's five hundred degrees out. My brain is boiling. Leave me alone.
El: Fine.
Mel: Anyway, we shouldn't be joking about The Cruise Family because Xenu is watching.
El: Well, maybe Xenu and his followers would like to come to our show!
Mel: I think we're too sarcastic for Scientology.
El: Good point. Are there funny Scientologists? Only Serious Scientologists come to mind.
Mel: I need to end this conversation before we get put in Scientolo-jail.
El: But tell people that our next show is coming up soon and it's gonna be a doozer.
Mel: Really, a 'doozer'?
El: A Tom-Cruise-er!
Mel: Your brain is boiling. Be quiet.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE,
BUT THIS THING IS HAPPENING AGAIN!

(And, apparently, it's gonna be a doozer.)

** And - remember - if you are celebrating a special occasion,
bring a group of 6 or more to the show and you will receive a personalized RAP!
(Email melandel@melandel.com for details!) **

Get your tickets HERE

With special guest Ophira Eisenberg (NPR's Ask Me Another, The Moth)


THURSDAY, JULY 12TH (The middle of July!)

7PM (The perfect time!)

92YTRIBECA (The best kept secret slightly below Canal Street!)

 
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Shame, Shame, Shameless...

Mel: Hey, El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: I just logged into Facebook and saw something.
El: Then did you say something?
Mel: What?
El: It's...don't worry about it.
Mel: Ok, but I saw a picture of my baby advertising our show.
El: I don't know what you're talking about...
Mel: It was posted from your profile.
El: Oh, THAT! Yeah, I thought it would be fun and cute!
Mel: That's a pretty shameless tactic.
El: People pimp their babies on every reality show!
Mel: I know that. But we are not A Kardashian or A Spelling or A Real Housewife.
El: Not YET! But what if I do...THIS?
 
If I could speak, I would tell you to go check out Mel & El's show!

Mel: Stop posting pictures of my baby to try to sell tickets to this show!
El: Fine. We have another selling point anyway.
Mel: What's that?
El: It's our FIFTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE MEL & EL SHOW!
Mel: I know that!
El: We're gonna hold hands, walk down Memory Lane and sing all of our favorite songs.
Mel: I tuned out at "hold hands".
El: Mel, it's gonna be great. With or without THIS!

Does my coy face make you wanna come to see Mel & El?

Mel: I hate you.
El: You love me.
Mel: I know that.

IT'S IN, LIKE, A WEEK!
 
FIFTH ANNIVERSARY SHOW!
 
Get your ticket HERE


THURSDAY, JUNE 14TH (8 days away!)

7PM (A nice time!)

92YTRIBECA (The downtown Y, not the uptown Y!)
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , ,

Monday, April 16, 2012

Pop Culture Gossip + Performance Art

I don't know...what to do...with this.
MEL: Hey, El?
EL: Yes, Mel?
MEL: Did you complete your taxes?
EL: No, but I did catch up on last week's episode of The Voice.
MEL: As all people should.
EL: The talent to hot mess ratio is skewed a little bit this season.
MEL: And that's just when you consider the judges.
EL: Blake McCountry always wants to 'mentor' tiny blond girls.
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Monday, March 12, 2012

Checking In

Nipples.

El: Hey, Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: How’s it going with the new baby?
Mel: It’s fantastic, thanks. We spend all our time together, I barely sleep, and my nipples have never seen so much action.
El: Nice!
Mel: How’s it going with the new boyfriend?
El: Also fantastic! We spend all our time together, I barely sleep, and my nipples have never seen so much action.
Mel: Aw… new love and new motherhood.
El: So many similarities.
Mel: So...many.
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , ,

Monday, February 6, 2012

Our Superbowl

 I'm Madonna. This is how my face does.

El: Hey, Mel?
Mell: Yeah, El?
El: Did you see The Superbowl last night?
Mel: If by "The Superbowl" you mean "Madonna's halftime show on my DVR about twenty minutes ago" then yes.
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , ,

Monday, January 23, 2012

Nobbs

"Why do Meryl Streep and I have to have careers at the same time?"
El: Hey, Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: Did you watch the Golden Globes?
Mel: I did. It's one of the only awards shows I can still manage to get through.
El: Agreed.
Mel: The love of our lives, Madonna, was a total freak show as usual.
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 1 comments
Labels: , , , ,

Monday, January 9, 2012

Bey-by Crazy

Who wouldn't want to give birth while holding hands with this person? No one wouldn't.
Mel: El?
El: Yes, Mel? 
Mel: Did you hear that Beyonce and Jay-Z had their Bey-by?
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 1:28 PM 0 comments
Labels: , ,

Monday, December 12, 2011

LAST SHOW FOREVER!

It would be exactly like this. But a baby.
El: Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: Do you realize that this Friday is our LAST SHOW FOREVER?
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, November 7, 2011

Mel is pregnant. What's gonna happen?

Beyonce needs to stop stealing Mel's maternity clothes.

El: Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: I just told everyone that you're pregnant.
Mel: WHAT? 
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 1 comments
Labels: , , , , , ,

Monday, September 12, 2011

You deserve all the happiness and joy.

This kind of Segway annoys the pants off of us. 
But we love the other kind (see below).

El: Hey, Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: We got a LOT of guesses to our BIG ANNOUNCEMENT CONTEST!
Mel: Ooh. Did anybody guess correctly?
El: I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you.
Mel: Well, that would put quite a damper on our next show...which is happening THIS Thursday in THREE DAYS!
El: Nice segue.
Mel: Thanks. I live for a nice segue.
El: Remind everyone that they deserve all the happiness and joy that only a Mel & El show can bring.
Mel: I think you just did.
El: Awesome.
Mel: We're being very efficient today. I like this day.
El: Me too.

Contest instructions:
Email melandel@melandel.com
Subject line: My Guess
In the body of the email, tell us what you think the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT is, and see us after the show to claim your prize if you were right.

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month 
returns to 92YTribeca
THIS THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15TH!

Click here to make a reservation!

  

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month
Really bloody funny. Period.

When: Thursday, September 15th at 7:00PM
Where: 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street at Canal, NYC
Tickets: $15, NO food or drink minimums 
(but CRAZY delicious food and drink available!)
Reservations here

Featuring our adorable composer Patrick Spencer Bodd playing every instrument!

Click HERE to make your reservation!
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , ,

Monday, August 8, 2011

Conversations While Cruising - Part 2

This is almost exactly what we wore while visiting Tunisia.
Mel: Hey, El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: Tell me the one thing that has been even better than visiting Rome, Florence, Nice, Tunisia, Barcelona and Ibiza?
El: That's Bar-the-lona and Ibi-tha.
Mel: Yeah, yeah.
El: Um...the fact that you got to visit all of those places with me?
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 1 comments
Labels: , , , ,

Monday, August 1, 2011

Conversations While Cruising - Part 1

And, to your left, you will see a bunch of rocks where people once did stuff.

El: Hey, Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?
El: I can't believe we're in Rome and about to set off on a gay cruise to many European destinations!
Mel: It's very exciting.
El: What should we be sure to put on our agenda?
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , ,

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Baby, you're a...

Mel: El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: Since the Fourth of July, I have been plagued.
El: What are you talking about?
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , ,

Monday, April 18, 2011

Snatched


Mel: El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: I had a dream last night that I ate bread.
El: Get out of me. Last night, I literally had a dream about eating a sandwich. 
Mel: Do me a favor and do not describe that sandwich at all.
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: ,

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dangling


(Michael McKean is acting his face off just for you.)
 
Mel: El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: I'm going on a little vacation to Costa Rica this week.
El: I know that. I hope you have a great time!
Mel: And now I need to say my final goodbyes.
El: Why are you saying that so dramatically?
Mel: Just 'cause.
El: Spill it.
Read more »
Posted by Mel and El at 10:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, June 28, 2010

Doppelgangers, again. Again.

EL: Mel?
MEL: Yes, El?
EL: It's time.
MEL: No, it's not.
EL: You don't even know what I'm talking about!
MEL: Doesn't matter. It's probably still not time.
EL: I hate you.
MEL: You love me.
EL: I know. I'm such a masochist.
MEL: You were saying...?
EL: Oh...that it is time...to reveal our actual Doppelgangers to the world. I know we told everybody about Other Mel & El and Other-Other Mel & El, but now we have to tell them about Famous Mel & El.
MEL: You mean, there's a Mel & El that's famous...besides us?
EL: Exactly.
MEL: Oh. I don't want to tell them. I barely survived high school with people screaming "Donna Martin graduates" as I walked through the hall. I've finally gotten to a point where I don't have people accusing me of looking like her 25 times a day.
EL: Well, I'm currently in Doppelganger Hell getting accosted at every turn, so it's time to just put it out there and deal with it. Presenting (in grand video form) OTHER FAMOUS MEL & EL!!!!!
MEL: But I don't even look like her in that video! And you caught me off guard with those stupid heads on sticks!
EL: Oh, relax. You can go find a new special therapist to process your angst later.
MEL: I hate you.
EL: You love me.
MEL: I know. I'm such a masochist.
 
 
If you're in the NYC-area, go reserve tickets for Our Time of the Month 
which is happening this Thursday (7/1)
with special guest comedian Ophira Eisenberg!
 
 
Posted by Mel and El at 12:07 PM 1 comments
Labels: , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)