Thank You (or, our Holy S#!t Moments)

Dance! Mel in a maternity snowsuit. El in a hooker's pajamas.

We don't toss around the word "Holy" the way Miss Oprah does. I mean, she has a meditation room and lunches with the Dalai Lama so we figure she's earned it. The closest we get to a Holy Moment is when we're on stage together performing songs like "Well Hung Fetus" and "I Wanna Marry A Dolphin". Maybe we should call them "Holy S#!t Moments". They are what make us happy and joyful and, we guess, that's as close to "Holy" as we're gonna get. Works for us! We've been lucky to have a whole lot of those moments this year and we have loved every single second of them. Except for that one show where...naw, we're grateful for that one, too.

Vocabulary Lesson Number 21

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 21

ITCHUATION \'ich-oo-'ey-shuh'n\ noun: shorthand for "itchy situation".

LAST SHOW FOREVER!

It would be exactly like this. But a baby.

El: Mel?

Mel: Yes, El?

El: Do you realize that this Friday is our LAST SHOW FOREVER?

Mel & El-prah's Favorite Things!

We figure since Oprah is so busy with her new network and having various "Aha Moments" and "Holy Moments" with her new projects, we would do her the favor of taking over this part of her empire. We're sure she doesn't mind.

So, here are a selection of products and services (many offering special MEL & EL DISCOUNTS!) that are particularly dear to our hearts. They are all the kind of Awesome Small Businesses that you can feel good about supporting. We hope you'll check them out over this holiday season!

We have the best idea!

Um...hi. How are you?

We totally want you to take the next five minutes to watch an episode of THE MEL & EL SHOW.

It's like a teeny tiny sitcom featuring US and we think it's right up your alley.

Wanna be COOL?

They seem very cool with their outfits.

Oh, dip! Here is what we have to say about being cool:

Mel is pregnant. What's gonna happen?

Beyonce needs to stop stealing Mel's maternity clothes.

El: Mel?

Mel: Yes, El?

El: I just told everyone that you're pregnant.

Mel: WHAT? 

Mel & El-A in Pictures

So, we finally went out to LA and did our thang. It was a whirlwind of old friends (terrific), jet lag (not the cutest) and In 'n Out burgers (best eaten after midnight and then forgotten the next day). Here are a few completely random highlights as we continue to be absolutely terrible at taking all the right pictures of a trip. Seriously, we need help. Here goes:

During our first five minutes in LA, we saw Bret from Flight of the Conchords which obviously made our lives. The usually blase El totally geeked out and snapped this picture of him while Mel was peeing. Mel is glad she missed the part where El took this picture.

If you squint, you can see the famous sign. This was our view from our first pad in Hollywood. Apparently, the corner we were staying on was famous for trannie (er...trans-people) hookers. So, we felt like we were right back in NYC!

Vocabulary Lesson Number 20

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 20

NEGATUDE \'neg-uh-'tyood\ noun: shorthand for "negative attitude".

Music! Hijinx! Maybe a vibrator!

After a successful Kickstarter campaign helped along by many of YOU fabulous people and the incredible work of all the fine folks at production company Clear Metrics, we are pleased as pie (very pleased) to present THE MEL & EL SHOW!

The first three episodes are available RIGHT NOW at www.TheMelAndElShow.com and we suggest the following:

What is a Couch Clip?

Dearest Dears,

What is a Couch Clip? It is the term we are using to describe these super simple, delicious, bite-sized nuggets of Mel & El-ness that you can currently enjoy on The You Tube in advance of the premiere of our highly anticipated (by our Moms) web series THE MEL & EL SHOW. Isn't that exciting? (Our Moms think it is, so...there).

Here is one of the first Couch Clips entitled "We Made Some 'Sodes":

Know a person in LA? Be their new best friend!

It's all happening.

Dearest People, 

We are so excited to announce that we'll be heading to LA in two weeks to premiere MEL & EL: OUR TIME OF THE MONTH on the West Coast. Woo-freaking-hoo! Do you live in the LA-area? Do you know anyone that does? Maybe you can FORWARD THIS EMAIL along to them. There will be an enormous amount of slightly inappropriate funny. For ONE NIGHT ONLY. Run - don't walk - to your calendar device to make a note!

El is away...

...and so Mel feels wistful and bored due to their bizarre and unmanageable co-defriendency. In honor of this, Mel (me) wants to share a photo of the two of them from their bizarre and unmanageable adolescence when they played Vampire husband (El) and wife (Mel) in a musical entitled The Vampires Strike Out. It's a wonder that show never came to The Great White Way. In addition to the general ridiculousness of it all, please enjoy El's tight-rolled pants and all of Mel's Mom's costume jewelery that was clearly piled on for this endeavor. 

 

Also, Mel (me) feels compelled to mention that this photo is not black and white because we were performers at the turn of the century, but because it was a trendy thing to do with theatrical pictures in the 90's. The nineteen nineties.

Mel & El-A

It's finally happening. WE'RE GOING TO L.A., PEOPLE! We're gonna get off of that bus with our suitcases in hand and fifteen cents in our pockets and see if we can make it. Oh, wait. No, we're not. We're just gonna fly there and do MEL & EL: OUR TIME OF THE MONTH for the people in the great State of California and hypnotize them with our ridiculous antics.

It's ONE NIGHT ONLY, on Wednesday, October 19th at a lovely joint called M Bar.

Also, feel free to tell everyone you know in the L.A.-area about OUR SHOW. We promise they will literally have the best night of their life.

We'll probably come back with boob jobs and Botox. Except that we totally won't. But feel free to picture that for the next few weeks.

You deserve all the happiness and joy.

This kind of Segway annoys the pants off of us. 

But we love the other kind (see below).

El: Hey, Mel?

Mel: Yes, El?
El: We got a LOT of guesses to our BIG ANNOUNCEMENT CONTEST!
Mel: Ooh. Did anybody guess correctly?
El: I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you.
Mel: Well, that would put quite a damper on our next show...which is happening THIS Thursday in THREE DAYS!
El: Nice segue.
Mel: Thanks. I live for a nice segue.
El: Remind everyone that they deserve all the happiness and joy that only a Mel & El show can bring.
Mel: I think you just did.
El: Awesome.

Mel: We're being very efficient today. I like this day.
El: Me too.

Contest instructions:
Email melandel@melandel.com
Subject line: My Guess
In the body of the email, tell us what you think the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT is, and see us after the show to claim your prize if you were right.

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month 

returns to 92YTribeca

THIS THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15TH!

Click here to make a reservation!

  

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month

Really bloody funny. Period.

When: Thursday, September 15th at 7:00PM

Where: 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street at Canal, NYC

Tickets: $15, NO food or drink minimums 

(but CRAZY delicious food and drink available!)

Reservations here

Featuring our adorable composer Patrick Spencer Bodd playing every instrument!

Click HERE to make your reservation!

Madonna's (and Mel & El's) Announcement

Don't Madonna's cheekbones look like they want to make an announcement?

Mel: Hey, El?
El: Yes, Mel?
Mel: We need something to entice people to come to the September 15th edition of Our Time of the Month.
El: Besides the fact that we didn't have an August show because we were performing on a gay cruise?
Mel: Yes.
El: Besides the fact that there won't be an October show because we will be taking Our Time of the Month to Los Angeles?
Mel: Yes.
El:  Tell them about the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! 

Chips Ahoy and Cheez-Whiz

Dear New Yorkers and also The World,

We're so glad the destruction was less than expected, and now we've about had it with this hurricane. We don't need to hear anything more about it. Not from the news (except to learn when the subways will begin to run) and not from Facebook (except when we post a link about this blog post on Facebook). But, really, then...we're done. Done.

Ladies About Town

Obviously, we would like to see you at the next big, fat Mel & El: Our Time of the Month on Thursday, September 15th at 92YTribeca. It will be the bees knees. If you'd like to see our faces prior to that, you can come over to our apartments for lunch OR you can visit us at the following shows about town:

It's here. It's queer. And we have pictures.

Hello People! 

We just returned from two weeks floating around on a Gay Boat in Europe. There is literally nothing like a day wandering around Barcelona and returning to a giant cruise ship just in time to curl your hair and do a show for hundreds of delightful gay men (and three terrific lesbians). 

Here are quite a few pictures to give you a taste AND please join us at our next MEL & EL: Our Time of the Month on September 15th at 92YTribeca to hear all the fantastically gory details. 

XO,

Mel & El

 
The equivalent of a "My Name Is" tag on a gay cruise. This is Day 1.

Conversations While Cruising - Part 2

This is almost exactly what we wore while visiting Tunisia.

Mel: Hey, El?

El: Yes, Mel?

Mel: Tell me the one thing that has been even better than visiting Rome, Florence, Nice, Tunisia, Barcelona and Ibiza?

El: That's Bar-the-lona and Ibi-tha.

Mel: Yeah, yeah.

El: Um...the fact that you got to visit all of those places with me?

Conversations While Cruising - Part 1

And, to your left, you will see a bunch of rocks where people once did stuff.

El: Hey, Mel?
Mel: Yes, El?

El: I can't believe we're in Rome and about to set off on a gay cruise to many European destinations!

Mel: It's very exciting.

El: What should we be sure to put on our agenda?

Vocabulary Lesson Number 19

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 19

PISSASTER \pis-'zah-'ster\ noun: when the simple act of urinating goes awry.

Fire Island Virgins

Somehow, in all of our years in NYC and all of our years of gay-proximity, we had never been to Fire Island. It is pretty darn magical. We only got to see a small bit of it as we were busy performing at Brandon Cutrell's Broadway at the Beach (which was a total blast!), but here are a few moments for your viewing pleasure:

The dock at Cherry Grove, Fire Island. Greeted with a Rainbow Flag.

BHP (Before Harry Potter)

All we can think about is going to see the final Harry Potter movie, but before that happens we will go be hilarious and slightly inappropriate in the following places:

Monday, July 11th at 9PM at The Ice Palace, Cherry Grove, Fire Island - www.grovehotel.com

And then...

Baby, you're a...

Mel: El?

El: Yes, Mel?

Mel: Since the Fourth of July, I have been plagued.

El: What are you talking about?

Vocabulary Lesson Number 18

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 18

SNARKINSON'S DISEASE \'snahr-kin-'suhnz dih-'zeez\ noun: when a person simply cannot help behaving in a sarcastic and cynical manner.

We tease.

Mel is sure that this is a trailer.

Mel: Hey, El?

El: Yes, Mel?

Mel: I'm excited to share the thing about our new web series.

El: You mean the teaser?

Mel: Yes. But it's called a trailer. 

Planning Ahead

We like to spread the Mel & El wealth (Mel & El-th?) all over town and across the Universe. This is the part where we tell you about some events going on where you can see fantastic performers, support terrific causes and also look at our bright and shiny faces. 

Go to Mel & El's Show Listings to read terrifically worded blurbs about these events and get tickets!

The Greenwich Village Follies

Tuesday, June 28th

Vocabulary Lesson Number 17

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 17

SUREGASM \'shur-gaz-'uhm\ noun: A sexual partner with whom an orgasm is a sure thing.

Two funny bitches, two days away.

We just did a very exciting interview with the 92StreetY in advance of

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month premiering at their Tribeca location

THIS THURSDAY, June 2nd!

Click here to read the interview.

Then, click here to make a reservation!

  

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month

Really bloody funny. Period.

When: Thursday, June 2nd at 7:30PM

Where: 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street at Canal, NYC

Tickets: $15, NO food or drink minimums, Reservations here

Featuring special guest comedian Sue Funke!

And our adorable composer Patrick Spencer Bodd playing every instrument!

Click HERE to make your reservation!

Join the hilarious musical comedy duo Mel & El for their pee-your-pants-funny show! Chosen as the Village Voice's BEST OF NYC and GO Magazine's Best of NY Comedy, prepare yourself for loads of the original music and comedy you've come to know and love from the two funniest bitches in town.

The Actual Rapture is in 10 Days!

This is one of the top images that appears if you Google "cheese, sex, correct". 

Do with it what you will.

Mel: Hey, El?

El: Yes, Mel?

Mel: We were not sucked up into the heavens during The Rapture.

If We Had A Dollar For Every Doppelganger...

Dear Friends,

So, we've told you about our amazing Chicago-an Doppelgangers who we lovingly refer to as Other Mel & El as well as these lovely young ladies who we call Other Other Mel & El. Then there are, of course, Other Famous Mel & El. We'd now like to introduce you to Doll Mel & El who showed up on our Google alert due to their names and who are currently creepin' the crap out of us:

Clicky The Buttons For Happiness

We're going to keep this short and simple.

Our website finally went through puberty. 

Check out the new MelAndEl.com!

While you're at it, check out the additional funny 

on our new Official Fan Page on Facebook!

Then, if you're in the NYC/Tristate area, make your reservation for 

Mel & El: Our Time of the Month in 3D* at its new location!

Does the word "new" sound totally ridiculous to you now? 

It does to us.

  

Our Cycle Is Back On Track!

Dear Lovely People,

The next MEL & EL: Our Time of the Month is going to happen very soon. All the details are right below the only interesting interview you'll ever read with a Personal Trainer. Check out our buddy who is currently kicking our butts all over NYC and see why we actually look forward to working out these days:

A Very Serious Interview With...
Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness!

Rainy Days And Mondays

Dear People,


I never thought I'd be someone who talked about the weather, but I do. A lot. I talk about what the weather has been, what it currently is and what it might be. I talk about the different people who talk about the weather and whether or not they have any idea what they're talking about (answer: no, they don't). I consult NY1 and Weather.com before I make a move. I might even text a friend and say "How is it out there?" while I debate my t-shirt-with-a-heavy-jacket vs. long-sleeved-shirt-with-a-lighter-jacket-plus-a-scarf option.

Snatched

Mel: El?

El: Yes, Mel?

Mel: I had a dream last night that I ate bread.

El: Get out of me. Last night, I literally had a dream about eating a sandwich. 

Mel: Do me a favor and do not describe that sandwich at all.

Vocabulary Lesson Number 16

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 16

GAYJA VU \'gey-zhah 'voo\ noun: The uncanny or eerie experience of being sure you've met a particular gay man when you haven't. Or have you?

Sand and Glitter: A Gay Cruise Photo Essay

The Ask Me, Tell Me military-themed T-dance. We could totally be in the Army.

Actually, they could totally be in the Army.

Premiere Picture Porn!

Here are a sampling of pictures from the premiere of The Mel & El Show! We can't wait to share the actual episodes with you. Soon. Soon...

Is That A Tampon On Your Cupcake...

...or are you just happy to see me?

We like to rock it super classy style here in The World of Mel & El so on Friday at the premiere of our brand new web series, The Mel & El Show, we had the ever-brilliant Adam Beckworth of A Little Somethin' Sweet make us these:

Stay. Tuned.

(I'm super relaxed. Mel should put on a baseball cap and squint. 

Then she'd be super relaxed. Like me.)

Mel: Hey, El?

El: Yes, Mel?

Mel: I'm so 'whelmed with all our upcoming stuff.

El: Don't be 'whelmed, be excited!

Mel: Is that the follow-up to Bobby McFerrin's one and only hit song?

El: You seriously need to update your pop culture references.

How We (Never) Learned To Drive

(Miss Daisy is frustrated because Hoke doesn't know how to drive. Just like Mel & El.)

We know it sounds entirely nutballs, but neither of us knows how to drive. To be clear, we're not saying that we don't like to drive or we prefer to have other people drive. We are saying we don't possess the skill of The Driving. We know we're very elderly and that this deficit makes us weirdly immature, but it is true. And there's no way to fix it.

Vocabulary Lesson Number 15

MEL & EL VOCABULARY LESSON NUMBER 15

BLIGHTING \'blahyt-ing\ noun: When the harsh fluorescent light in a dressing room is a blight on your self image.*

I was feeling pretty good about myself until the Bloomingdale's blighting made me look like a cottage cheese sculpture.

*For the record, we think you look fantastic all the time.

Premieres! Benefits! Skits! Privates!

Dear Favorite Person,

Do you know what time it is? List time! (Who's excited? Besides Mel?) 

This month there will be no MEL & EL: Our Time of the Month but don't cry because we WILL be doing nine thousand other things. We're going to use this list to tell you about them while referring to ourselves in the third person:

• The Mel & El Show Web Series Premiere!